Clothing as ritual: how what we wear affects who we are.

Most people, throughout history, have worn a style of clothing befitting their occupation, status, or purpose. Clothing as a brand. Not brand like McDonald’s, brand like a hot piece of steel used to mark cattle. Humans are visual beings. What you wear is who you are.

As I step into my new journey…the clothes I wear are beginning to reshape my identity. One uniform I wear because it is the industry standard. It offers respect. It isn’t loud. It doesn’t draw attention. A Funeral Director’s uniform – black pants, black coat, white shirt – is instantly recognizable. As a funeral director in-training, wearing this uniform has guided my behavior, the tone of my voice, how I stand, how I interact with the deceased and the deceased’s family. I’m quiet. Reserved. Watchful. My personality shifts the moment I button my coat. I am ready to take on grief.

But, something was missing from this uniform. Something was missing for me, in particular. I am an empath. I feel called to help people in their transformative journey through grief. A funeral director helps people arrange an experience that creates grief. They do not help people process that grief. To me, that felt – unfinished. Like a wound left open. We serve families. Delicately. Professionally. With great care and dedication. Tirelessly. But after services are done, they disappear. We watch the grieving and then they go back into the world filled with that grief.

I decided I wanted to be more connected to people. To help them while in grief. Going through grief. Anticipating grief. I have a BA in Psychology. I have worked in various positions in the Service Industry for 30 plus years. I am an Empath. I have witnessed death first-hand, many times in my own life. Not just human death – the death of relationships, of dreams, of ideas, of goals, of pieces of myself. I am enrolled in energy healing courses. Will study herbalism, meditation and energy. I’m not a hack or a quack. I am learning lost ways to guide people through transfirmation.

In society today, generally 1st World Nations, there is no community. There is no support. There is no Healer who is revered, respected and can lead one through these processes. We tell people to get a therapist – and then the therapist isn’t covered by insurance, costs hundreds of dollars, and can only connect with a person on a surface level.that isn’t to say therapy isn’t important or that it doesn’t work. It can. It does. But there is some sort of personal humanity that is missing.

Many people fill this gap with some sort of religious or ideological belief. Some people find community in those spaces. But many, many other people do not subscribe to the mainstream ideals of our current religious offerings in the 21st century. And, that leaves them alone. Heavy. Fractured. Unable to figure out why they cannot heal.

This is how the Sacred Order of the Emberveil was brought into my heart. I was given a vision – I am quite taken with the Sisters of the Valley – the weed nuns in California. I thought, surely, if they can create their own Sisterhood then I can too. I knew I wanted to wear a head covering – both for practical reasons and as a sign of humility. I wanted to wear a loose fitting long garment dress. Plain. Simple. I wanted the focus to be on those I am helping. Those I am called to serve, not my own hubris or ego. I wanted my uniform to be grounding. To bring a sense of peace. To exude wisdom and healing. I decided I wanted to only wear natural materials. The resonance of fabric matters. Man-made fabrics affect you in a negative way. Nature made fabrics affect you in a positive way. That’s physics. That science. That’s truth.

Two uniforms. Two meanings. The same purpose. To wrap my humanness in a coded language that is visibly recognizable to others and creates an instant response in their humanity.

it is a privilege and a blessing that I can and will wear both for the rest of my days.